my love is something... different

things that frustrate me

-people who assume I don’t  want kids because I don’t have any yet.

-bananas seriously why can’t they stay yellow longer?

-people who don’t don’t like doctor who, sherlock, or harry potter.

-people who make things intentionally harder on other people and then make terrible remarks to justify there terrible behavior

I could crush you with my voice

Deep inside your soul there’s a hole you don’t wanna see
Covering it up like a cut with the likes of me
You know I’ve really tried, I can’t do anymore about you

Less Dependant

I don’t know what has come over me, It could be a combination of the website new dress a day or my need to try new things. But I am very interested in trying to make my own things when the opportunity arises. My first will be the simple task of making toothpaste

I picked this project first because I recently got the book, the big ass book of crafts and the toothpaste was one of the projects I was interested in, upon trying the books version, I found that it was mostly baking soda, gross and looked nothing liek the picture in the book.I also found that this recipe would never work if I was to inspire my boyfriend to get behind this home made toothpaste.I looked up a different recipe that was pretty close to the books except that this new recipe included peroxide, and found that I could combine both recipes here is what I got

1 lime that needs to be zested

1 cup Baking soda

1/2 cup hydrogen peroxide(add as much as you need to create the paste texture)

20 drops peppermint oil

This toothpaste is salty, and may not  be enjoyed by everyone. I like it because my teeth feel cleaner for a longer amount of time. I have also noticed my teeth look slightly whiter, I also feel better that I know exactly what I am brushing my teeth with.

I am gonna try to keep going with this.. who knows I love new tips

stay still when I am speaking about you

I can only imagine what kind of life I would have led if my mother had been weaker, if she gave into the men who weren’t worth it, don’t get me wrong I am happy that my sister and I are alive and all, but my dad and hers weren’t worth it. 

I didn’t have to live with my shitty father, he can’t stay still or be happy for too long. In a lot of ways I am lucky, I thrive on reliable people, who keep promises, my norman is just not one of those people.

I am lucky to have over the course of time replaced my shitty dad for several ones that are better suited. I have Russ, he has been there for years. if I ever get married he’s gonna walk me down the isle, he’s been one of the most prominent figures of my life he even found an old picture of me and my father to give me, norman would never have been so kind. I have Carl my neighbor, I watch his children on a day to day basis, he is tough but nurturing I can see that he thinks of me as his own daughter. he even told me that my last name should have been tippets, it made me cry to think I was so included,I was a stranger at normans house. Carl even offered to teach me how to drive a giant truck when I got my permit. I have Dave he is so loving and kind, when I first met him I didn’t really know how to interact with a male who could be a parental figure and I use to be freaked  out by talking to him in a way that I talk to my own mother. I wanted all of those features from my real father, I clearly expected too much. all of these men have something that my norman lacks, compassion, selflessness, and genuine feelings.

I will never know what I expected from that trip, maybe I got just what I wanted and if that is true I really enjoy feeling out of place. I feel like I was too young, but in reality I was at the age I needed to be, to sort my feelings out. if I had been a teenager I think I would have been broken, if I had been a child I would have too naive and hopeful. a solid case of the 20’s was where I needed to be understanding and honest. I made no excuses for who norman really was, a drunk, a bigot, a deadbeat father and a shadow of someone once good. sure my father has had hard times, but it doesn’t excuse him in the slightest, like it won’t excuse me in the future

things I wish

I wish I was done with school right now, the hustle of the first week is incredibly trying. 

I wish that I didn’t feel so insecure about my boyfriends ex. It was only a matter of time before she came around and started to talk like this, its just that it makes it irritating to deal with I guess, and it makes me concern about how I need to act around her. 

I wish I was able to control things around me.

I wish it was cooler, it is way too hot right now…